Middle-class-wannabe retail chain Sainsbury's has stolen a march on its high street rivals by announcing a shock merger with sexual services provider Spearmint Rhino.
Speaking to a hushed gathering of the world's media, Sainsbury's spokesbabe Scarlett Butt commented, 'According to reports, people aren't getting enough titillation. By merging with our partners at Spearmint Rhino, we hope to bring cheap smut to families across the UK.'
However, Sainsbury's rivals have not taken it lying down. Lidl have promised to start stocking Razzle magazine, while Aldi are rumoured to be merging with that Turkish massage parlour down the road.