The stock market was plunged into chaos today, as 50% was wiped off the share value of both Sainsburys and Asda.
The cause seems to have been rooted in William Morrison's secret plan to put the Morrisons chain of supermarkets back on top the British retailing pile.
Our retail guru Terry Watt explains...
"William Morrison has refusing to accept the failing performance of his beloved Morrisons chain of stores. When he heard about the proposed merger between Asda and Sainsburys, he was so furious that he slaughtered his adopted daughter Gamora." Watt continued his explanation...
"After the tragedy Morrison set about gathering six so-called Infinity Gondolas for his Infinity Market Street project. With the project complete, he simply snapped his fingers, signalling his marketing team to produce a series of TV adverts, and ensuring Morrisons recouped 50% of all UK supermarket trade."
In the wake of the Snappening, Asda CEO Roger Burnley was seen holding on to his Sainsbury's counterpart Mike coupe, moaning, "I don't feel so good." Coupe has a haunted look in his eyes as he replied, "We're... We're not in the money!"