Global peace and diplomacy is said to be 'teetering on a knife edge' after Prime Minister Theresa May was sensationally arrested in Nigeria.
Our international crisis correspondent Terry Watt explained in a hushed gathering of the world's media:
"Prime Minister Theresa May has been arrested by the Nigerian International Crime Klub, who have accused her of smuggling 1980's ghetto blasters into the country. The Prime Minister was swooped upon by the NICK, as she danced around a Hitachi Super-Bass twin cassette deck with FM radio and Dolby, with some local kids. The Prime Minister, wearing a C&A shellsuit, was said to be "out of her bonce on smack".
As she was dragged away to the cells, May was heard to defiantly shout, "F***ing coppers, ya should be out there catching thieves and rapists, ya b****rds!"